Thursday, June 21, 2007
due to everyday posting i finally reached the 80th post...cause this few days is juz so called kill time only..i really have nthing to do at all...so shall start wat i wan to write for today....
morning went to yishun safra...the best part the night before i dreamt tat when i go there the terminal will give me problem and i need to do a full download..oh hell my dream come true...how cool ya??? reached there early in the end due to the long full download and some drag i almost stay there for an hour...freak....but thinking of the dream gosh y wat i dream always never come true and bad dreams always come true...haiz....i really wanna know...so this time was really busy in the office la...due to the new project..reach office i was in a hell of rush...cause of some servicing i need to do installation..gosh i was in a mad rush...rushing from one place to another like no one business...haiz....den after tat wat a great thing happen was stuck at sakae sushi again one hour...wah lao the hole they drill can be bigger la...juz fit the size of those many cables tat need to go thru la...wat the hell right...i use all my force and strength to force it out la...i almost come to an idea of cutting it off lor...fucking angry la...cause i still got heeren sakae sushi to do and is going to be dinner time le lor...haiz....
tml going to sentosa again...an idiotc wearing jeans and polo t will be there again...walking at breach front to do installation...and tml starting work early...going off to vivo den harbourfront centre and sentosa...
can i ask i really wanna ask...is it wrong...sometime making a bloody phonecall to u also make noise le...how the hell i know whether to do it or not...bringing back the things from office to home den tml let tat go start work i make u lose face...my fault la...something doing the first step also my fault i dun do it always my fault...fuck man i really dun understand wat the hell u are thinking lor...u think u stress other pple not stress la...fuck man...so everything is my fault la...when is ur fault when u got think wat u said to me hurt me not...sometime i juz trying to make things easier for u also...if dun wanna take me there juz say so i can wake up earlier and take a bus or mrt down myself...is not i can't is not tat i am useless...i am much bloody stronger than u think...i know i am not as clever as ur daughter...i am jzu one usless guy in ur mind...u think i got say out i didn't ok..i still respect u..i juz keep my fucking mouth shut...keeping them shut also got fault at times...damm i really dun understand le...who the hell am i...wat can i do u will be happy...tell me la...if it take me to die u will be happy i will die i jolly well go and die...is it better...haiz......sometime i really dun feel like coming home...to me home is nthing...juz a shelter for me to slp or maybe now not...fuck it man...
guess to many things is happening to me..i dun know..i really starting not to know who am i where i belong...who is johnathan teng shao min...who is bloody guy...is he a guy tat sucks and not enough worth as much as shit...at least even shit worth something i juz i dun even worth a thing...who am i..tell me...maybe i jzu an extra person in this world and family...making problems to everyone...irritating pple....nthing better to do person...haiz...i dun know...i dun know...and i dun even wanna know who am i at all now...i give up on myself le..i see no me in myself...who is me...wats the point me standing on this world...i freaking hell dun know and freaking hell give up...i give up!!!!!
guess today is ain't the day for me...ain't wat i want....
weekend coming so enjoy urselves..ciaoz....
where are u when i need u the most...haiz...
black and white.
22:04
